


Out of Spoons

by Beautiful_Aravis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Chronic Pain, Clubbing, Disabled Reader, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Spoon Theory, daily life at avengers tower, invisible illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-07-17 18:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16100882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Aravis/pseuds/Beautiful_Aravis
Summary: Reader has an invisible illness that causes her chronic pain.  Natasha befriended her several years prior to the start of this story and has been insisting on taking the reader for a night out with the other Avengers.  Reader reluctantly agrees knowing the consequences will be difficult the following days.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired after seeing a fic on tumbler featuring a self conscious reader with a disability. Being disable myself with an invisible illness (EDS) I wanted to write a short series on what it's like to try and enjoy a night out knowing that you won't be able to function for days afterwards. Hopefully this helps someone else going through the same thing feel included and understood. Much love.
> 
> A/N: I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the Spoon theory used by people with invisible illnesses. If you aren’t, go check it out here. The theory is by Christine Miserandino and is a fantastic tool. I was inspired to write a reader insert with an invisible disability (in this case Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome as that is what I am most familiar with). I really hope it resonates with someone, and makes others feel included. Much love.

“Natasha, do you have any idea how many spoons a night out at the club requires?” (Yn) sighed as she rolled up her yoga mat. 

“Please? You’ll have so much fun. I promise we won’t stay out too late,” Nat put on her best puppy eyes while (yn) simply pressed her lips into a thin line.

“It’s not just that, it’s getting ready, finding something to wear, surviving the night out, getting home and getting washed up and getting to bed. That doesn’t even include recovering the rest of the weekend,” (yn) shrugged her shoulders and walked with Natasha out of the studio. “Plus, ‘late’ is anything past 9 for me.” (Yn) laughed and shook her head. “It’s just not a good idea.”

Nate’s mouth twisted to the side in thought. “I’ll help you get ready and make sure you get home alright.”

(Yn) looked up at the sky, letting her cheeks puff out. If it were only that simple. She’d be out of commission the rest of the weekend. Cooking, cleaning, errands would be out of the question. Before she could open her mouth to resist once more Natasha worked to sweeten the deal.

“And you’ll stay at the tower. Just rest, no one will bother you, meals will be ready you just have to eat. I have a guestroom on my floor or you could have a whole floor to yourself. Please, I can’t remember the last time you had a recent story to share about something fun you did.”

(Yn) glanced at Natasha walking at her side. “Fine...but you can’t laugh at what I have to pack for one weekend..” 

Nat smiled triumphantly and made her way alongside (Yn) to her apartment, slowing while (Yn) stopped to rotate her ankle until she gave a small nod she was ready to continue.

(Yn)’s apartment was small and though she tried to keep it maintained, it was in a constant state of organized chaos. Tossing her yoga mat and workout bag in its spot near the door, (Yn) ushered Natasha further into her apartment grabbing a duffel bag as they made their way into the small bedroom.

“Can you grab my toiletries from the bathroom?” (Yn) called out as she rifled through her closet for a comfortable yet appropriate outfit for a night out. “How fancy are we talking, Nat?”

“Club,” she called from the bathroom.

“Son of a...” (Yn) muttered as she flipped through her closet. How does one find something comfortable enough that won’t put pressure on her ribs, that won’t rub her skin raw, but also looks good enough for a club? With a frustrating sigh, (Yn) chose a sun dress. The material flowed and was extremely soft, the torso ruched and elastic. The only down side, it would require a real bra. (Yn) looked forlornly at her comfortable sports bra, tossing it into her bag for the next day before grudgingly putting in her “proper” underwire bra. 

“You ready?” Nat asked tossing the last of (Yn)s toiletries into the duffel bag. 

“Almost,” she said before adding a few pairs of sweats, tank tops, and underthings. Natasha’s eyebrows rose when she saw (Yn) start methodically adding medication bottle after medication bottle before carefully selecting which braces she might need. For good measure she tossed in a roll of KT tape before zipping the bag closed.

“You really think you’ll need all that?” Natasha asked carefully. 

“I know if I didn’t bring it I’d need it,” (Yn) said before hefting the bag onto her shoulder. She winced and shifted the bag’s weight while grabbing her purse.

Natasha was reconsidering the wisdom of this evening out for (Yn). She understood the potential risks for (Yn) but seeing her prepare was slightly disconcerting. 

"We walking or..."

“No,” Natasha quickly interrupted. “One of Stark’s drivers should be here any minute. You need help with that?” She nodded to the heavy bag on (Yn)’a shoulder. (Yn) quickly shook her head, it was just a bag, she could handle it for now. 

“I’ll be fine,” she lied with a smile as she locked the door to her apartment. “Let’s just get to the tower to relax, I’ll need to psych myself up to handle a night out with you crazy people. You’re sure the others at the tower won’t mind me staying there...?” She asked carefully. (Yn) had met them on several occasions but was certainly not on a first name buddy buddy basis with any of them aside from Nat.

“Of course not, you’re there as my guest, (Yn),” she assured (Yn) before opening the door of the waiting car. “They’ll just be glad to have another one along for a night out.”

“Alright,” (Yn) forced a smile, “let’s do this,” she said as the car drove off toward the tower.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready to go out for s never a simple matter when you have a chronic illness.

Out of spoons ch 2/?

(Yn) barely kept her awe in check as Natasha led her through the main living areas in the tower. The massive kitchen was bigger than her bedroom, possibly her entire studio apartment and the light colors of the floors, walls and furniture made the space look even bigger.

“This place is incredible,” (Yn) said as she slowly followed Natasha. “I’m going to be too spoiled to leave!” The two laughed quietly.

“Yea, it is a nice place but, it’s our individual floors that really feel like home. Speaking of, did you decide if you want the guest wing or my spare room?” Natasha asked, leading (Yn) toward the private elevator.

“Probably your extra room if you don’t mind,” she gave a nervous shrug. “You haven’t seen me after a night out, it’s better if I’m closer to people just in case.” Natasha knew the basics of (Yn)s health struggles and as much as (Yn) would prefer to keep that side of her hidden from everyone in her life, concessions must be made occasionally.

As the elevator began to open, (Yn) and Natasha were greeted by two very sweaty super soldiers. Both had gym towels slung over a shoulder and water bottles in hand.

“Hey, Nat,” Steve nodded and Bucky gave a grunt in greeting as he took a long drink from his water bottle. “Everything still on for tonight?”

“Yup! Actually,” Natasha motioned to (Yn) begins her, “this is the friend I’ve told you about. She finally had a free night so she’ll be joining us.”

(Yn) gave a shy wave and Steve extended his hand in greeting. “Steve, it’s nice to meet you (Yn),” he gave Bucky a pointed look before clearing his throat. 

“Ah, yeah I’m Bucky. I guess we’ll see you later this evening.” Bucky mumbled before walking off towards the kitchen, leaving the three in the lobby. 

“Was it something I said?” (Yn) jokes, breaking her silence. Steve gave a sad smile. 

“That’s Bucky for ya,” he wiped his towel over his face. “I’ll see you both later tonight,” he gave a parting smile before Natasha and (Yn) entered the elevator. 

The two rode in silence for a minute before Natasha shifted and cleared her throat. “Don’t mind Bucky. He’s, not one for social situations.”

“That’s understandable,” (Yn) gave a gentle smile. “I’m usually the same way.”

“You’ve never seemed like that to me,” Nat raised an eyebrow and (Yn) chuckled.

“I’m good at hiding it. You could say I’ve perfected it,” (Yn) hid the sad truth of the statement behind a smile. 

Natasha considered (Yn) carefully for a moment but decided to let the comment go for the time being. “There’s a shower through there,” she pointed to the guest bath which was almost as luxurious as the ensuite in the master bedroom. With some effort, (Yn) gave a smile, convincing herself that a shower would make her feel better, no matter how exhausted she’d feel after. Natasha set (Yn)s bag down on the guest bed and left (Yn) be. They still had several hours before they’d need to head out and (Yn) knew she’d need to use every minute available.

(Yn) stripped from her workout gear and stepped into the shower, beginning her mental checklist of what she’d need to do before they left for the evening.

Hair  
Makeup  
Get dressed  
Tape? No that would show and she wouldn’t know what joints would hurt ahead of time  
Medicate? No Tylenol if she wanted a drink..not that it did much anyways, some ibuprofen maybe? Not a bad idea  
Ice? Not ahead of time, bad idea. Make sure there were ice packs ready in the freezer? Check.

(Yn) felt her stomach drop while she showered. Getting ready was always the worst part. Natasha knew some of her physical struggles and had offered help but she didn’t know the anxiety that came with a night out. Would people think she was a sloppy drunk if she stumbled around? Or think she was looking for attention. Maybe be called a prude for limiting her alcohol intake. Heaven forbid something happened while she was dancing...

By the time (Yn) had finished showering Natasha was there with her hair dryer and curling iron. 

“God bless you Natasha Romanoff,” (Yn) sighed and plopped into a chair letting Nat take over her hair. Nat knew it would be hard to get (Yn) to stay out later if she used all her energy to get ready. 

“I have my makeup bag too, think of this as a spa day,” Nat smirked and (Yn) rolled her eyes.

“Yes, but who else on this earth needs a weekend to recover from a spa day?”

“You’ll be fine, we’ll all watch out for you.” Nat tried to smooth over (Yn)’s anxiety.

“Wait we? How much do the others know?” (Yn) had only shared her condition with Nat over the course of months of working out at the yoga studio together—mostly explaining why she couldn’t do certain things and asking the more advanced woman on how to modify a pose to protect her joints.

“All they know is that you...you’re a bit more fragile and that it isn’t your fault. The guys know if there’s people pushing to make sure you don’t get caught up in it etc. I didn’t tell them everything, just enough to keep the peace tonight”

(Yn) sulked as she processed what Natasha told her. She was aggressively protective of her health but once what Nat has said sunk in, she reluctantly agreed that it was for the best that the boys know some of what was needed to keep her safe for the evening. 

“Thanks Nat,” she sighed from her chair and Nat gave her a small smile while she finished her makeup.

Slipping on her sun dress that she’d finally decided would be semi acceptable club wear, (Yn) looked in the mirror. A genuine smile crossed her face as she looked nice for the first time in ages. She even commemorated the occasion with some selfies with Nat and by herself. She couldn’t let an occasion where she looked semi decent go to waste!

Natasha looked at her phone and gave (Yn) a gentle elbow. “Boys are ready, let’s go!” She usher (Yn) out of her quarters to meet the others in the common room. 

Sam was the first to smile and began to reach for a hug in greeting. “So we finally get to meet Miss (Yn) huh? 

Natasha muttered gentle under her breath to Sam who raised his eyebrows but did as he was told.

“It’s nice to see you again, ma’am,” Steve gave a nod and a handshake. (Yn) did her best not to wince but there were more than one finger that would need setting after what she assumed was Captain America’s most gentle of handshakes.

Bucky simply gave a nod and a mumbled without removing his hands from his pockets.

Wanda excitedly gave (Yn) a gentle hug that almost didn’t touch her but made her feet welcomed nonetheless. “It’s good to have another lady to join us,” she smiled while Vision watched (Yn) carefully. 

“I’m often told I’m too forward but are you alright Miss (Yn), you seem to have a slight limp and are favoring your left shoul—“ he began before Wanda elbowed him. “Yes of course, it’s a pleasure.” He finished with a nod and a quizzical look at Wanda. Wanda made a mental note to fill Vision in on proper health privacy and to explain Vision’s perception to (Yn) another time in private.

“Tony said he’d meet us at the club, I mean it is his club so...” Natasha gestured with her thumb over her shoulder to the elevators. ”Shall we?”

The group made their way to the elevators, Bucky taking up the rear watching as (Yn) walked. Steve glanced sidelong at Bucky, eyebrow raised.

“You know, Nat asked us to keep an eye on her at the club, not here at the tower.

“Shut up. Plus I don’t want to have to babysit on my night off,” Bucky scoffed and Steve rolled his eyes.

“No, you’d just prefer to sit in the corner and brood,” he challenged.

“Just don’t expect me to carry her drunk ass home,” Bucky said out of earshot before the two caught up to the elevators.

“Wouldn’t dream of it buck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome! If you’d like let me know what struggles you face when going out, what else can I feature other than what I’m used to myself! I want this to be relatable to people. Please leave a comment and let me know if I’m reaching my goals! Much love to all of my readers!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve taken so long to update this. I started this fix end of September and my mom was diagnosed with cancer mid October and passed away the last week of November. I love you all and I’m glad I’m finally feeling like writing again. Much love

Out of Spoons ch 3/?

The bar was nice, upscale and clean but still crowded. Steve, Sam and Bucky went to grab a drink before settling in at the pool table while Natasha led (Yn) and Wanda to a table, a round of drinks soon following. (Yn) eyed her drink for a moment before taking a sip. One wouldn’t be an issue this early in the night. 

“That guy over there is checking you out, (Yn),” Natasha said from behind her glass, eyes flicking to a man at the bar. (Yn) laughed and shook her head.

“No I think he’s looking at you, or maybe Steve’s ass...” (Yn) tilted her head to Steve standing behind her, earning her a laugh from both Natasha and Wanda.

“Maybe, (Yn), maybe.” Nat downed the last few sips of her drink. “Shall we dance ladies?” Wanda immediately stood and waved her arm beckoning Sam over.

(Yn) hesitated and finally shook her head. “I’ll run out of spoons before we get halfway through the night,” she spoke into Natasha’s ear. Natasha didn’t say another word, only nodded with a smile watching (Yn) make her way to the bar alone. 

Bucky watched (Yn) from his spot at the pool table. Steve glanced up from setting up his shot and smirked. “Checking out the new girl huh? Thought you didn’t want anything to do with her.” He hit the ball with the cue sending balls scattering on the table.

“Something is just off,” Bucky shrugged and took his shot sinking a striped ball. 

“She Nat’s friend. Nat never brings people around so just... try to be pleasant?” Steve pleaded watching Bucky set up his second shot. There was a crack and a thunk as the cue ball hit the yellow striped ball sinking it into the pocket. Bucky looked over at Steve but caught a man walking up to (Yn) out of the corner of his eye. He stopped, watching their interaction as the man nodded to the dance floor holding his hand out for (Yn) to take. Bucky frowned as he saw her decline once, twice, three times. “Guy can’t take a hint,” he muttered setting his pool cue down. 

“Bucky, no bar fights tonight,” Steve warned and Bucky grinned back over his shoulder. 

“No promises old man!”

Bucky walked up and stood a few steps behind (Yn) waiting for the man sitting beside her to notice him. When he finally made eye contact he visibly swallowed. Bucky raised one eyebrow and nodded his head, signaling the man that it was time to leave. 

(Yn) looked at the man confused at his change in demeanor but relieved as he made to leave. “Uh have a nice night ma’am,” he stammered and left. 

“Well that was odd,” (Yn) said under her breath sitting forward in her seat instead of sideways as before so she could speak with the man without appearing rude. Bucky watched from a few feet away, swirling his glass of whisky before taking the seat the man was in before.

“What are you doing over here at the bar? Thought girls usually wanted to stay on the dance floor,” Bucky smirked looking down at his glass of whiskey. “Always see the girls on a man’s arm or dancing together in groups these days.” He mused before looking over to (Yn).

(Yn) looked at Bucky before craining her neck to look at the dance floor. “Yeah, I cant argue with that. I mean, I love dancing...it just doesn’t usually love me.” (Yn)s voice trailed off as she took a sip of her drink. The truth was she didn’t know how long she’d last on the floor. The risk was often more trouble than the payoff and she wanted to be able to last the entire night Natasha had planned. Explaining herself and her situation usually ended in too many questions, too much pity, and too many “you have such a great attitude” comments. Better to let unasked questions to unanswered and let Bucky think she was mysterious than risk over sharing 

Unfortunately, at that moment Natasha returned to refresh her drink dragging Steve along with her. 

“(Yn)! Come join us for a dance! Steve, be a gentleman will you? (Yn) hasn’t had a partner all night!” She winked at you before poor blushing Steve offered her his hand. 

“Would you like a dance?” He asked, glancing quickly to Bucky sitting nursing his drink. 

(Yn) hesitated but Natasha gave her a gentle push from behind whispering she’d watch her drink. “A dance would be nice, just take it easy on me, I’m a bit of a klutz,” she tried to make light of her situation but Steve was too gracious to let her get away with it. 

“I’m sure you’ll be the one making me look like a fool, miss,” he said gently leading (Yn) to the dance floor.

Natasha and Bucky sat in silence, watching the pair walk away. Bucky watched how she walked, favoring her left leg? Right shoulder up and guarded. Very slight limp.

“What’s her deal?” He finally asked Natasha, eyes never leaving (Yn) even as she began to dance with Steve. Natasha’s move was calculated, knowing Steve would dance more formally. A hand on (Yn)s waist would help stabilize her if she needed it, her hand on his shoulder and in his hand would minimize her risk of a fall and an injury.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Barnes,” Nat took a sip of her drink avoiding eye contact.

“Mhmm sure,” Bucky huffed. “I know you can see she’s at least got a mild injury or two. Plus she’s staying at the tower for a weekend. Is she being abused? Are you trying to help her?”

“Look, It’s not my place to say. If she wants to tell you she will.” Natasha said firmly. 

Bucky grunted and downed the rest of his whiskey. He turned in his chair to watch (Yn) dance with Steve. She held onto him with a death grip until he surprised her with a twirl and a dip, coaxing a laugh out of her. Her grimace lasted only a second but Bucky caught it. 

“I think I’ll go cut in,” Bucky said as he walked away, Natasha’s eyes following him. 

“Bucky, don’t interrogate her,” Nat called out after him but her warning fell on deaf ears. 

Bucky watched (Yn) and Steve until the music reached a lull. Clearing his throat to get their attention he gave Steve a nod and flicked his eyes to (Yn). “Mind if I —“ Bucky let his voice trail off while extending his hand to (Yn).

Steve eyed Bucky warily from over (Yn)'s head unsure of his friend's intentions while (yn) looked over her shoulder at Bucky stunned. Bucky raised his eyebrows as his hand remained outstretched, waiting for (Yn) to accept. 

"Ah, alright," (Yn) nodded then glanced at Steve who quickly schooled the bewilderment on his face. Steve stepped back allowing (Yn) to take Bucky's hand. Bucky smoothly stepped forward placing his right hand on (yn)'s waist while he held his left hand up but much closer to their bodies than Steve had done. (Yn)'s body relaxed just enough for Bucky to notice, confirming her right shoulder injury. 

"Any other injuries you want to tell me about before we start? Dancing can be dangerous,"

(Yn) pulled her head back to look up in shock at Bucky. Her eyebrows drew down and she began to step away.

"Excuse me but is that any of your business?"

"No, but it is my business why you're hiding setting while getting close to my friends," Bucky stepped closer and began moving slowly to the music, his mouth near (Yn)'s ear so she could hear him easily.

(Yn) warred within herself. Did she lashed out like she wanted to put Bucky in his place and cause a scene or appease him enough until she could get Nat to sneak her home.

"Natasha knows, and it's a private matter. Is that not enough for you?" (Yn) settled on a combination of both extremes.

"Nope," Bucky began and as soon as the word left his mouth (Yn) yanked her hand out of his before turning on her heel to walk back to the bar. In her hurry to get out of Bucky's arms, her foot caught on Bucky's and she felt her knee give way before she could steady herself. (Yn) instinctively grabbed onto Bucky's arm as her leg gave out, biting her lip to keep from screaming. 

Bucky in his confusion managed to support (yn) easily though their situation drew stares from the other patrons nearby. 

"What's going on? Are you ok--" Bucky began but (yn) held up her hand, unable to speak yet. Bucky looked at the odd angle her knee was at and his heart sank. Before he could offer to carry her he saw (yn) reach down grab her kneecap and bend her knee. He faintly heard the pop over the music though he doubted anyone else could. 

Bucky knelt at (yn)'s side preparing to help her to a chair but Steve was there, leaning down to pick (Yn) up with Natasha at his side. 

"You couldn't leave it alone, could you," Natasha snapped at Bucky.

"Steve I'm okay, I can walk. Please," (yn) looked at Steve then to the growing crowd nearby. "I really don't want to be a spectical," she added and Steve nodded, understanding the sentiment all too well. 

Setting (Yn) down Steve offered her his arm to her support her while she walked slowly to their car. Natasha followed and Bucky came last.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always greatly appreciated! Much love!


End file.
